Tucker Talking!

One of the things I want to do on this blogsite is to include the occasional interview, not entirely serious, with players, both past & present. I decided to kick off with ANDY TUCKER, who currently helps Larry Marsh run the side. We've just been to see the Reserves win 5-2 in the semi final of the Capital League Presidents Cup, Andy being Reserve Team Secretary too. To boot we've just heard Staines town only drew in their last league match tonight so our 'Stiffs' are cant' be caught at the top of the table. Luckily our part of the train is almost empty, because he keeps on bursting into song, shouting out 'Cham-peee-own-eeees! Cham-peee-own-eeees! Ole, ole, ole!' every few minutes. In between that madness, & him constantly farting for some strange reason, this is what he had to say:

Rabbler: Coming up soon is our first ever International Football Tournament. How exactly did that come about?
Andy: We've been mulling over the idea for quite a while now, a number of different people have been suggesting it. So we sat down and considered inviting a whole bunch of teams, and we've been extremely lucky that both PSG Belgium & our new friends from Estonia have agreed to come over. Lots of people are chipping in with help here and there to make the day a success, it's been a real team effort.

Rabbler: We've been on tour abroad quite a few times ourselves now. Which ones have you enjoyed most?
Andy: I missed the first two, but I've enjoyed all the other ones I've been on for different reasons. Rimini in particular in 2004, because it meant I was no longer a 'tour virgin', plus it was on the coast,and I went there for longer than the weekend & it was a bit of a holiday for me. Also, last May in Namur for the PSG Belgium tournament was rather special. It was great to be hanging around with everyone & Nicolas, Danuta & their friends were excellent hosts. It was good to meet up with friends we'd made the previous year at the RFC Liege tournament. But it's still hard to single one or two trips out, I've loved every 'Rabblers' tour I've been on.

Rabbler: How long have you been turning out for the Supporters' Team? Do you remember anything about your first game?
Andy: I'm getting old now, I've been playing since I was fourteen, that's thirteen years ago! My debut was on the old all weather pitch at Burgess Park. It was against 'sex case' Gary Clark's team, I played right midfield, but I've no idea what the score was, whether we even won or lost, but I do seem to recall that I thought there was something a bit 'noncy' about him even then...I'm sure he was eyeing me up! ;-)
My first away game was at Bishop's Stortford in January 1995, we won comfortably, 5-0, or 5-1, something like that. I remember setting up the first goal. It was the day I became one of "The Rabble", matching Mishi drink for drink in the pub, I think he was rather impressed! For quite a while afterwards I was known as Andy 'Two Dogs' Tucker, in tribute to the vast wuantity of that alcopop I was downing. That was also the first game Roger Deason played after banging his heas, causing him minor brain damage-seriuosly!- in our record 15-2 defeat on the all weather pitch at the Crystal Palace National Sports Centre a few weeks before. Which also happened to be the game where Mishi stabbed our keeper Matt Hammond in the changing room afterwards.

Rabber: Though I understand your lengthy service to the team nearly came to a premature end very early on...
Andy: Ah yes, that was in only my second season. You were with me that day. We were away to Hitchin Town Supporters' in the first leg of the Canary Cup, and the First Team match had already been called off. Surprisingly the park pitch they'd booked was playable, so they said. In fact it was like an ice rink, and only 'playable' because they hadn't actually booked the pitch, and were using it without the local councils permission. There was heavy snow on the way up the A1 Motorway, & it was freezing over on the tarmac. It was extremely dangerous, and cars were sliding into each other all over the place. I wasn't actually aware of this because I was nodding off in the back seat, as was the other passenger Jamie Wyatt, as our driver Larry Marsh, valiantly tried to battle on. Until another car clipped us. I suddenly woke to find us spinning, facing the wrong way with two bloody great lorries coming towards us. Thankfully they managed to slow down, as they were probably more accustomed to the conditions as professional drivers, and we managed to get over to the hard shoulder. We waited for the police to turn up, who did nothing and were no help at all, & we eventually got to the match at about half time. The worst thing was we didn't get any sympathy at all from the rest of the team, who couldn't care less about our tale of bravery, & brush with death. To cap an awful day we were pulled over by some really stroppy coppers driving home through London, who were moaning about our back light & bumper being smashed in the crash. I remember Larry exclaiming: " You know I think he was just trying to confuse me, and he did a really good job!"

Rabbler: You've been in charge of the team with Larry for about two and a half seasons now. How do you think this season has gone?
Andy: We seem to have hit our natural level, after over achieving somewhat last year, when we reached the quarter finals of the IFA National Cup, and went on a couple of decent unbeaten spells. Organisationally it's been more difficult this year with players dropping out very late when they'd promised to turn out, & less players being available on a regular basis, which we need to do something to rectify. Though it's not all doom and gloom. We've got some younger players coming through now, who haven't played regularly before, which bodes well for the future. I just wish more Dulwich fans would offer to play, the more the merrier.

Rabbler: We're off to Estonia in July, uncharted territory for us. Why pick there and how much more exotic can future tours get for 'The Rabblers'?
Andy: Estonia came about because I'd been there a few years ago, it's such a nice place, & I'd made some contacts there. So after chatting to Larry it was agreed to try to arrange a game there. That didn't work out with my contacts, but through the internet I found out about the Estonian National Supporters' Team and they agreed to play us. At around the same time I noticed a Worthing fan posting on the Ryman League messageboard under the name 'Esti Rebel' so I sent him an email. Initially it looked like we'd play his team as well, but he stopped replying. I don't know if he moved or what. By bizarre coincidence he also played in the only supporters' game we ever played away to Worthing supporters' when Mishi scored that own goal from a supposed defensive clearance that flew back with the ball getting wedged into one of the stanchions! That was also the game where Matt got on the wrong train at London Bridge, and ended up only going in goal for the last quarter of an hour or so. Maybe Mishi was getting his own back on him for getting the wrong train... As for future tours, well we're even looking to expand beyond Europe, and investigating Morrocco. Damon Green has some contacts at the British Embassy there. And there is even further potential with the possibility of budget flights over to America in the next few years. My dream tours would be to Australia, and also to Madagascar, where I have family roots.

Rabbler: Ah, Madagascar. I believe you have some sporting ambitions there?
Andy: Yes, I've actually, half tongue in cheek, half serious, sent a letter to the Madagascan Football Association offering my services. They are absolute rubbish, though I didn't tell them that, and they might just agree to give me a game or two. They will probably tell me to piss off for being so cheeky, but if nothing else I might just get a nice rejection letter on fancy headed notepaper.
( Rabbler notes: Madagascar are currently 151st in the FIFA world rankings, sandwiched inbetween Burundi & Luxembourg. Guyana, who Hamlet First Team player Shawn Beveney plays for, are listed at 162. Englands Euro 2008 qualifier opponents are higher at 129. And no matter how poor England are playing at the moment you can take comfort from the fact Scotland are 59th, squashed between the 'mighty' Zambia & Uzbekistan! And in case you're wonderinf, & I know some of you out there aew sad enough to be...the worst of the lot are Guam; Turks & Caico Islands; and rock bottom American Samoa.)

Rabbler: The motto of the Internet Football Association is 'building bridges', but football is no hippy lovefest in reality, so which teams would you pull up the drawbridge on?
Andy: Um...QPR without a doubt. They preach the IFA spirit, but go against it when you play them, & keep on digging out Preston on the IFA email list for not wanting to play them, which is hardly building bridges! Reading, even though we've never actually played them. We tried enough times this season, in trying to get out London Cup group game on, but they kept on pulling out of the dates, as a result we missed out on the chance of qualifying for the semi final stages, by default. Not the end of the world, playing football is the main thing, but it would have been nice to say we made the semi finals. Some might expect me to include the AFC Wimbledon supporters' team here, but actually I think they're a decent bunch.
As for building bridges, that reminds me that we hope to build one over Hadrians Wall sometime towards the end of next season & go on a weekend tour to Scotland to play one or two of their IFA teams. Watch this space as they say!

Rabbler: As a player who can perform both roles what do you actually prefer-keeping goal or being out on pitch?
Andy:Well my 'claw hand' is almost back to normal (Andy got injured, badly hurting one of his fingers, in goal away to West Ham United supporters' earlier this season) so I hope to be able to resume between the sticks next year, but for the Supporters' Team I prefer to be out on pitch. We are 'of a standard' where I can get away with it, generally speaking, so I love it when both myself & Matt are available for the same game.

Rabbler: Over the years there must have been some funny moments with the team...
Andy: I'm sure there have, but I'll have to think about this one... (We come back to this question, and then it's difficult to stop him.) Gareth Taylor announcing his retirement from the team on the terraces at a Reserve Team away game at Uxbridge, with myself & Mishi killing ourselves laughing! He has subsequently said that he never retired then, but we have continually taken the mick out of him ever since! Then there was the 'infamous' Hitchin town tournament where Mishi chased Damon across the pitch with a microphone stand at about three o'clock in the morning. The Liege tour, when Rear-Admiral Phil Baker of the Belgian Navy was badgered into admitting in a bar that he didn't think he'd had sex in James O'Shaughnessy's lifetime...James was eighteen at the time! We then said we'd call up and order him company from a local 'lady of the night', to which he had no problem, until we were actually on the phone, he realised we were serious, & his bottle went! So far as we know he STILL hasn't had sex in James' lifetime! Then there was James himself falling hook, line and sinker for the drugs test joke in Namur, at the PSG Belgium competition. It wouldn't have been possible without the collaboration of Nicolas Lucas, of PSG, who was also in on it! The funniest thing about that was we didn't tell him it was a wind up until over six months later! There's so many things now, it's hard to stop. Not long after my debut at Bishop's Stortford, which I mentioned earlier,I said that I could also play in goal. So a few weeks later I was selected as keeper at Orchard Sports for a home game with West Bromwich Albion supporters'. Amin Haque was expecting to keep goal and he already had the top on, so I went across the changing room and asked him for it. He just grinned and laughed at me, but then he realised I was serious, & he went silent. After the game he took it back, as he needed it to keep goal back at Champion Hill, as he was helping out Kevin Holland in the local primary schools penalty competition. I was watching him during this, & one little kid by me piped up: "That's not fair, that keeper's not trying!" The sad thing was he really was giving his all, but just wasn't good enough, even against nine year olds! Not sure if this one is funny or just plain weird. But Paul Griffin turning up at the tournament in Liege halfway through, and arriving a day late, having not turned up at the hotel. He said he couldn't find it & had to book another one miles away on the edge of town, yet he managed to locate this ground in the middle of nowehre in the woods...to this day we don't know where he had really been or went. There will always be a bit of a mystery about where he was & even who he may have been with,,,but we know it wasn't with a certain Belgian rear-admiral, as he hadn't had sex for twenty years...

Rabbler: By its very nature there has been a big turnover of players with the team over the years. Who have been some of the best to turn out, and dare you name the worst?
Andy: Undoubtedly the worst must be Tony 'Knuckles' Mullins, away to Chesham United supporters'. But I wasn't at that game, so that's only relying on hearsay. Then there's Gareth. Whilst he tried hard and gave 100%, he was always funny to watch. I particularly recall him throwing a massive hissy fit aimed at 'drugs test' James, hilarious! But in all seriousness, it would be unfair to pick out some of the worst players. We're not that sort of team, and play for fun, first and foremost.
The best players? Steve Child without a doubt, who went on to play for the Hamlet reserves for a while, only to hang up his boots to concentrate on the whistle, and now he can be seen in the middle of the odd First Team game! Jack McInroy in his youth was exceptional, though I say 'youth' he was in his mid thirties when he first started turning out for us. He must have been a real quality player a decade or so before that. I cannot understand how he never played proper non league football.

Rabbler: Is there anyone else you may have left out, who have clearly played at a higher level?
Andy: I can't believe he slipped my mind! How could I forget Ian Wright? But of course the reason I've done so must be that I've only seen him over the last ten years when he's lost some of his pace, ability and agility. So perhaps I just hadn't recognised how great a player he is. Obviously appeared at a much higher level than the rest of us.

Rabbler: The perceived opinion of our team is that we're quite an eclectic bunch. Or is it nearer the truth to say we're just all plain barmy?
Andy: I like eclectic, but being more realistic we are a bit bonkers. You can always tell if someone's slightly abnormal of they fit in with 'The Rabblers' without even trying. For example take Chris Garrett. He seemed a perfectly well balanced individual, but when we went to Namur last year he fitted in like a glove, so there must clearly be something wrong with him! And I won't even attempt to start on the Vern-isms! Then there's the 'three eyed monster' that is Hutty & Big Nose, as described by a Ramsgate fan, eho knows their aquaintance. My most distinct moment of madness from Hutty, and there are many, was on the Namur tour too, when I aked him, in all seriousness, sitting outside a Brussels cafe, what viewpoint his Belgian anarchist hero Ernest Mandel took on the Trotskyist split from the Maoist faction of the nine man hierarchy of the Belgian Communist Party, & his subsequent failure to realise I'd obviously made it all up and was taking the piss, as he tried to give me a serious, intellectual answer in his own unique waffling style. Also if you want to see something really funny just tickle him...

Rabbler: You're not quite normal yourself. Weirdos usually live at home alone with their parents when they're your age. You? I understand you were recently home alone in St. Mary Cray, but now your sister has moved in. What does that make you?
Andy: A landlord! It is separate rooms. Though it does seem like a dream set up for a fake Cornishman like Griff. Talking of which at least I qualify to play for Madagascar. If Cornwall had a national side he wouldn't qualify under FIFA regulations, and he can't trace anyone in his family back there going back to his grandparents.

Rabbler: As a goalkeeper/defender you don't get to score many goals. Are there any that stick in your mind that you're quite proud of?
Andy: Yes, a few. I'm not sure if it was our first or second, in that record 15-2 defeat at the Palace. We were at least 12 0r 13 down at the time. I was up front for some reason for the only time, and stuck it from at least twenty or thirty yards. This season away to Inter Gills, the Gillingham supporters' team. I picked up the ball in the gillingham half, skipped past a couple of tackles, and chipped the keeper with a sublime piece of skill, if I may say so myself, giving him no chance, delicately placed over his head into the top left corner of the net.

Rabbler: Was that, perhaps, from the fact you came from a school with a bit of footballing pedigree?
Andy: I'm proud to be associated with my fellow 'Old Sedgehill-ians' and our famous 'Pink 'n' Blue.' Gavin McGowan, and Kemal Bulent to name but two. But perhaps the most celebrated is old 'big ears' himself Veli Hakki. One of my weirdest moments was when sitting on a 176 bus on the way home to Sydenham, along with a fellow drunken Mishi, whenI realised his name fitted into the song "I'm h-a-p--p-y. I'm h-a-p-p-y, I know I am , I'm sure I am..." & we sang at the top of our voices all the way to Cobbs Corner: "He's H-A-K-K-I, He's H-A-K-K-I..." Trust me it was truly a magical moment, perhaps you had to be there.

And on that note it's time to terminate the interview, as we've got all the way from Northwood, on the Metropolitan Line, to Victoria station. He's off home to his sister at St. Mary Cray, & I'm going to my cuddly toy in my lonely bed in Sydenham!